considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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