Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
