I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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