In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
