If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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