i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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