omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
