Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
