Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
