She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
