just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
