in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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