No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
