Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
