As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
