Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
