I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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