miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We talked him into tasing himself.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
