Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
