Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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