I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The air was thick with penises
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
