i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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