I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
