I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
