why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
