I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
