FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
send nudes
from the living room?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
