Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
