he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
