1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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