I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
