What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
