Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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