Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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