i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
