So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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