It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
