Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
