My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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