my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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