would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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