Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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