just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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