he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I wear drunk well.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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