it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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