I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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