I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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