Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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