i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
