I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
