I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
