I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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