Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
