Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
