I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
