life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
