Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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