He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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