READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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