Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
