is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
