I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
