you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
