I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize