The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
