Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
