Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
