things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
