I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
