hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We talked him into tasing himself.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
