Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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