I only kidnapped one of them. chill
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
